Making Peace with Debussy

My life is about to change, again.

School is rapidly closing. After prom (which was WONDERFUL and deserving of a separate post), we had standardized testing which took over the schedule. This was my last full week of school. It's crazy how fast this year has gone by.

The summer is shaping up. I'll be working 20-25 hours/week at one job and hope to grab some extra babysitting hours. I'm saving up for our Big European Trip and other things. I'll be suffering in summer school (never did take U.S. History) and doing ballroom dance, and writing like a woman possessed. I have a novel to finish. My writing clips from this summer are probably some of the last that will go on my college resume, because...

I will be applying to college. That scares the crap out of me, some days. College is something you talk about forever in high school, laugh at, cry over, but it's always in the future. Not anymore. I will be talking to admissions officers about my crazed transcript, writing all my essays, filling in all the stuff about being Caucasian and my dad's Ph.D. And reporting my SATs.

Remember when I was whining about the SATs and math prep a few weeks ago? Friends, it paid off. I was shocked, because I seriously expected it to go down, but NO! I am the proud new owner of a 1440 (out of 1600) and 2120 (out of 2400.) I'm now in the middle 50% for name-that-big-Ivy-League-school.

You daydream about this stuff for ages, and now it's happening. I love that. I get a high off of it, this insane feeling that unlike the rest of high school (sometimes), this part is going to count and count for a lot. It will mean something. It will change something.

And I'm very happy to announce that I have made peace with Debussy. I played "La Fille" on my teacher's new piano and surprised myself-- it actually sounded like something semi-good. Who knew?

Losing It

Things I Have Lost

Phone*

Twilight

Calculator

Purse (3 times)*

Driver's permit*

Textbook (Maybe? Where is it?)

Freakin' mind

*: designates item was recovered.

regularly posting to return when mind is found

My Life in Vignettes

Listening to Relient K's Five Score and Seven Years Ago almost every morning

Spending 2-3 hours on AP Chem every night and realizing I'll still get a C for the year

Crossing out Johns Hopkins from my school list

Looking fabulous every day

Attending the incredible school musical

Becoming a vegetarian (lacto-ovo pescetarian, actually)

Watching the Twilight trailer a bazillion times

Not writing (see: sleep, AP Chem)

Needing shorts

Getting excited about prom

Making plans

Living life

Posting later

The Up and Up

About six months ago, I was getting ready for the SATs. The day before I had a minor nervous breakdown, the product of several months of loneliness and an incredible amount of homework. I remember that Friday-before-SATs clearly. It felt like you feel after you've cried for a very long time.

I called it the Day It All Fell Apart.

I went shopping for my homecoming clutch that day, and would go on to have an amazing homecoming with friends in Faulkner. I would get my 800 verbal on the SATs the next day.

Where am I now? I am happy. I am incredibly happy. I'm working hard but I enjoy it-- most of it-- and I have friends and I love the people I'm surrounded with. I've overcome a lot of my crazy self-expectations, and set some better ones. I haven't had to fall apart much. I'm going to prom in two weeks with one of my best friends from Faulkner. I need to raise my math score by like 60 points, if possible. We'll see. Relient K, as always, has words of wisdom.

To be prosperous
Would not require much of me
You see contentment is the one thing
It entails

To be content with where I am
And getting where I need to be
I'm moving past the past
Where I have failed

But I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
Right there at the end
Is where I'll be
Oh

Cause I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
And I haven't given up
Given up on what
What I've gained from love

And I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
Yeah there's nothing left to prove
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me
For you
A better version of me
For you

- Relient K, Up and Up